Sad news, comrades and comrettes! I've now officially been rejected from the lucrative world of commercials. Which is extra sad because my ideas were terrific, forward-thinking, innovative, edgy and terrific. I was specifically writing for the yogurt campaign in which two women eating the most delicious yogurt ever compare it to other pleasures of life to illustrate its yumminess. For some reason, the company did not care for suggestions, which for your pleasure I have compiled here. You're welcome!
-This is like drinking an entire bottle of Scotch good.
-This is like taking a dump in your backyard good.
-This is like Robocop good- and that's my favorite movie ever!
-This is like drowning a puppy good- a sackful of puppies!
-This is like making racist comments and not caring who hears you good.
-This is like calling in sick and then contracting a nasty virus and going in to work the next day anyway good.
-This is like baking a dead mouse in your three-year-old's birthday cake good.
-This is like penis in my vagina good.
-This is like getting married in a little Parisian villa and taking his name and evading tax fraud good.
-This is like setting fire to a hobo village by urinating on it and rubbing two sticks together until they ignite good.
-This is like exchanging all your wedding presents for Ecstasy good.
-This is like Hall and Oates making out with each other while Seals and Crofts watch, and then they switch partners good.
-This is like telling your kids their invisible friends are prettier than them good.
-This is like stalking a married co-worker and half the time pretending like it's a joke and sending threatening letters in pregnancy test boxes good.
-This is like the other brand of yogurt I really like good.
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