PRESIDENTIAL EPITAPHS

The Official President of the U.S. States of America is the highest office one can hold at any given time. You have powers that no other citizen in the free world has, not even the Pope! Powers like veto, checks, balances, pardons, planes, who goes on what dollar, and when and where to see whatever movie you like, no backtalk. Most importantly, the President gets to choose his own epitaph, the words that will ring throughout this nation’s cemeteries for their entire life, immortalizing them in the most literal sense imaginable. Here are the Top 20 Most Memorable Presidential Epitaphs. Read them and weep openly for those bygone Commanders in Chiefs.
GEORGE WASHINGTON: Your First Is Always the Most Memorable
JOHN ADAMS: George Washington Deflowered Me
THOMAS JEFFERSON: I Like My Afterlife Like I Like My Women, if You Get My Meaning
JOHN QUINCY ADAMS: My Only Regret is Not Being Doinked By George Washington
ANDREW JACKSON: Call me Stonewall to my Face- My Stone Wallface!
MARTIN VAN BUREN: I Seem to Have Abolitioned Myself
WILLIAM HENRY HARRISON: That Went Really Really Really Really Fast
ZACHARY TYLER: C-Ya Livies! Luvs Ya, K? ;)
ABRAHAM LINCOLN: You Can Fool Some of the People Some of the Time, You Can Fool All of the People Some of the Time, But You Can’t Stop a Bullet with a Stovepipe Hat. Anytime.
ANDREW JOHNSON: Stop Calling me Stonewall!
RUTHERFORD B. HAYES: Is Now Rutherford B. Deceased
JAMES A. GARFIELD: I’m Not Overweight, I’m Undertall
GROVER CLEVELAND: We Hardly Knewer Cleveland
WILLIAM HOWARD TAFT: Three Names was Not Enough
WOODROW WILSON: The President So Nice They Named Him Twice
CALVIN COOLIDGE: Was Radicoolidge
HERBERT HOOVER: Is This Heaven? Iowa
JOHN F. KENNEDY: This Tawch Will Buhn Forevah.
GERALD FORD: I Just Kept Falling Down Until I Was Dead
RONALD REAGAN: Do I Sound Like a Musical Robot?