PROPOSED SEQUELS TO THE TORI SPELLING TV MOVIE, "MOTHER MAY I SLEEP WITH DANGER?"
Are You Going to Eat That Rat Poison, Mother?
Danger and I Are Hanging Out, I'll Be Back Late, Okay Mother?
Isn't That Rabid Dog the Cutest?
Mother, May I Adopt a Child Through CCF with Danger?
I've Been Cast Opposite Vic Morrow in Twilight Zone: the Movie!
MY REJECTED LIFETIME MOVIE CONCEPTS
A Womb of One's Own: A complacent housewife is inspired by the works of Virginia Woolf to fight for her Pro-Choice rights. Starring Joanna Kerns, Patrick Duffy and Dom DeLuise as the womb.
Not Without My Kotter: A woman struggles to escape a brutish husband in Iran, but must battle for the custody of her precious Gabe Kaplan. Starring Ron Palillo as Gabe Kaplan, Dustin Diamond as Ron Palillo and Gabe Kaplan as Sall Field.
Sleeping with the Enemy's Best Friend: An abused housewife confides in her husband's best friend, who in turn confides in her, and they both end up boring each other into slumber. But will the husband believe them? Starring Valerie Bertinelli, Michael Gross, and either Nick Nolte or Gary Busey.
I Know My First Name Has a Silent E In It: Louise is kidnapped by her gym teacher, and returns to her family 75 years later, only to find that they are really really old. Starring Kellie Martin, Tom Wopat, and Bea Arthur as the old people.
Encloaked in a Quiet Quilt of Silence: In war-torn Omaha, Nebraska, a young girl is adopted by her aunt and uncle when her parents die of boredom. She is raised to believe that they are her parents, until she turns sixteen, when it is revealed she is Amy Fisher. Confused, she turns to drugs and alcohol, and joins a cult that worships 70's rock band Electric Light Orchestra and all sport Magnum, P.I. moustaches. In the end, they burn down Ak-Sar-Ben as Lionel Richie's "Three Times a Lady" plays on the soundtrack. Starring Alyssa Milano as Amy Fisher and vice versa.
BONUS LIST: LITTLE-KNOWN PATRON SAINTS
Adrian- Patron Saint of magnetic poetry
Bea- Patron Saint of school lunches
Chisolm- Patron Saint of dirty-sounding first names
Deanna- Patron Saint of captions on reality television
Elias- Patron Saint of lost board game pieces
Felicia- Patron Saint of people who cheat at crossword puzzles
Gregor- Patron Saint of patronizing saints
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