DR. WIZARD'S FIELD GUIDE TO FAMILIAR PILLOWS

How do? Dr. Wizard here again, with more funtastic educationing! One of the more exciting (and soon to be legal!) pastimes to crop up recently is Pillow Peeping, a terrific hobby combining some of my favorite activities: bird-watching, interior design, domestic espionage and in some cases, Tex-Mex cuisine. Since Pillow Peeping is still fairly new, there has yet to be a definitive guide to the various class and specie of pillow one might come across. This will hopefully fill the heinous hole and, while it is by no means a definitive text, it is the first and therefore best.
-THROW PILLOW: This is by far the most common pillow out there. Characterized mainly by its shortness, it comes in a wide variety of shapes (square and round) and is normally adorned with tassels or obnoxious patterns. Found mainly in dens, parlors and living rooms, the Throw Pillow is ironic in that it is rarely if ever thrown. It is in fact most often laid down and left alone.
-LAID DOWN AND LEFT ALONE PILLOW: In another bit of irony, the Laid Down and Left Alone Pillows are almost always thrown. Also, they are always white, rectangular and exceedingly comfy. Usually spotted at slumber parties and sororities.
-MAKE-OUT PILLOWS: These pillows are almost always made out with, as opposed to instigating said make-out sessions. Though not as rare as one might think, they are very difficult to peep, as they most commonly preside in closets or under beds, and only come out behind closed doors. It should also be noted that Make-Out Pillows should only be utilized as human-substitutes by adolescents and/or complete losers.
-CORDUROY PILLOWS: One of the most popular pillows known to man, found exclusively in newsrooms. If you haven’t heard of Corduroy Pillows, I’d be surprised. They’re making headlines.
-HOLLYWOOD SQUARES PILLOW: Takes Shadoe Stevens for the block.
-MARK PILLOW: By far the rarest pillow in existence, the Mark Pillow has only been seen once, as Nuclear Man in Superman IV: The Quest For Peace.