Bonjour y'all! Script Doctor again, sharing once more with you the shouldabeens of your favorite films. This entry focuses on Mel Gibson's mangnum opus, The Passion of the Christ. Say three Hail Marys and enjoy!
Jesus: Judas... you betray the Son of Man with a kiss? And no tongue even?
John: Ugh! Jesus's blood tastes skunky.
Peter: No wonder, the born-on date's 12-25-0.
Mary Magdalene: Yes, I was a whore, but I've changed my ways. My past is my cross to bear. Oh, sorry, Jesus.
Jesus: God, must I die for everyone's sins? I mean, isn't that a bit excessive?
God: Fine, you don't have to die for Patti Smith's sins.
James: Thomas, do you think this is really his body?
Thomas: Doubtful.
Pontius Pilate: You may think you're leaving a legacy, Christ, but you're not the only one. Many years from now, people all over the world will lose weight and tone up through my revolutionary aerobics exercise, Pilates.
Satan: And lo, I will bring upon the world locusts, and floods, and fires, and at least four Lethal Weapons.
Mary: Son, you've been such a positive influence. How do you do it?
Jesus: It's simple, really. I just ask myself, What Would I Do?
Herod: Jesus has died, and has risen from the dead, but can he get Beyond Thunderdome?
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