EVOLUTION, STUPID-LUTION

“I am your Lord. Thou shalt accepteth no substitutes.” Matty, 8:9

Take a look at your hands. Take a good, long, satisfying look at those mannish hands of yours. Do they really, truly, honestly now, no-kidding-aside-with-all-seriousness, do they look like monkey hands?
Of course they don’t! You and I and most everybody we know is and are smart enough to see that you and I and most of them don’t have monkey hands. But there are some people out there (some people call them atheists, others refer to them as scientists) who don’t have the same view as all those of us. They look at their hands and think, oh, monkey hands. These are perfect for sign-languaging with a gorilla. But these are the same people who give out abortions like sweet, delicious candy. NASA has been responsible for so many baby infant murders, it’s practically the Pez dispenser of abortions. And ironically, these are the same people who tell you candy is dangerous. It would be funny if it weren’t so earthquakingly sad.
“And then God Made Man. And He made apes completely separately, probably on different days, even. And though they were friends, they sharedeth no benefits.” Genesis, Invisible Touch.

To put it simply, these scientists will swallow anything. The Bible clearly states men and animals do not mix, socially or otherwise, but these supposed smart people (who went to fancy colleges with leagues and ivy all over the place) take their cue from Charleton Heston movies, claiming we “evolved” from apes, and that food is made from people. Well, we’ve got news for these smarties (candy pun intended!), we haven’t evolved at all, thank you very much. And the only Charleton Heston movie we take our cues from is the one with all the Ten Commandments, including, “Thou Shalt Not Maketh Stuff Up.”
“And God smote the non-believers, as He is wont to do.” The Book of Ruth Baby, 12:21

So, here’s our question to these NAS-tronauts: if we’re cousins to the chimp, gorilla and babababoon, how come we don’t eat bugs off each other and throw our poo-poo around? With the exception of our retarded classmates, we’re way, way, way more civilized than that. We FLUSH our poo-poo, thank you very much! Like Abraham and Sarah. You didn’t hear about David flinging turds at Goliath (trust me, that would’ve made the book.) Man was made in God’s image, not Lancelot Link’s.
“Jesus! Jesus! Jesus! Jesus H. Christ!!” Chad 64:11, see also Dad trying to start the lawnmower

Open your hearts, people! Not literally, that would require heathen science. Embrace the Truth. Open up the Bible and just smell it, just take a big, long Christian whiff. Doesn’t it smell nice? That great Truth-book smell, like angels and newborn babes, and just a hint of water damage. It certainly doesn’t smell like monkey. And neither do you. And if you do, baptize yourself in the Word of God. Rinse and repeat, every day until the Rapture, or the smell comes out, whichever comes first. Jesus loves you, but only if you believe in Him, like Santa Claus and the Batman. Go to church, it’s the classiest place you can get free wine. And you never see monkeys drink wine. Except at the filthy, devil circus.