-“My mate Adam and I had just been created and were doing some gardening, when I decided to have an apple for a snack, and asked Adam if he wanted some. Big Mistake! Turned out the apple was from our landlord’s tree and we were promptly evicted. Paradise (and Pride) Lost!” Eve
-“I was hanging out with my hubby Menelaus, king of Sparta, when an ex-BF named Paris came along and abducted me! He made me go with him to Troy and royally pissed off my husband who declared a war which lasted a super-long time and ended the lives of untold millions. Was my face red?” Helen
-“I was minding my owns in Eastern France when I started getting these visions from God that the English would invade my homeland. It was worse than my period! I was sent into battle where I was initially victorious, but then kidnapped and burned at the stake. Talk about a buzzkill!” Joan
-“After being courted by the King, I finally gave in and got married, only to turn around and bear him a daughter and not a son. Understandably, he had my head chopped off. Thank God, because I just wanted to hide my face!” Anne
-“It was, at first, the greatest night of my life. I totes won the Academy Award for Best Actress, the first African-American woman to do so! But oops! I accidentally made Gothika and Catwoman after that. I couldn’t believe my mortifying mistake. What a boner indeed.” Halle
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