As I am not a successful interior designer, I have never been asked to provide tips for aspiring interior designers. This is what interior designers call a given, and what I call racist. Who are they that I am not good enough to have pointers on their profession, just because I’ve never done it professionally or otherwise? My first bit of advice would be not to bother entering the super secret sacred world of interior design to begin with, but if you feel overwhelmingly compelled to do so, here are at least a few tips you can borrow when embarking up this jerk-filled tree. But you have to give them back when you’re done.
Have a centerpiece that really draws the room-dweller’s attention, such as an ornate candelabra or representation of the female anatomy. Don’t be afraid to use clashing colors or no color at all. But use color. And try not to clash.
Speaking of color, try to have a color scheme, or at least a color scam. Bring some diversity to the room with a symphony of shades and poetry slam of pigmentation. Don’t simply stick to white. White is the color of an unimaginative mind and most of our Presidents and everyone hates these things passionately.
Walls and a ceiling are essential elements to any room. And probably a floor. Most rooms have at least one door, and in this age of equal opportunity, many doors lead outward as well as inward. This is very Zen, I think, but probably not.
While muted colors aren’t absolutely necessary, be careful not to make the room too loud. (NOTE: If your client is deaf, disregard this tip.) (ALSO NOTE: That joke was terrible, please disregard it.)
Taxidermied animals scare the befuckingjesus out of anyone who isn’t mentally unstable, a serial killer, or both, but not neither. If your client insists on using taxidermy, call 911 immediately; lock yourself in the bathroom and pray for your client to die or another job, whichever comes first.
A truly underrated movie: Robocop. Though-provoking and pulse-pounding. And fun!
Above all, never forget the Four F’s on Interior Design: Fun, Fashion, Furniture and The Fourth F.
No comments:
Post a Comment