SCRIPT DOCTOR: GLENGARRY GLEN ROSS

Now I know what you’re thinking to yourself, and no, I didn’t attempt to touch up the Pulitzer Prize winning playwright’s Pulitzer Prize winning play. I was asked to assist in the writing of the Blake monologue, which was added for the film adaptation. Needless to say, my genius went unnoticed yet again. But you can totally notice it. You better notice it! Or you can hit the bricks, pal!
-“Put that coffee down. Put it down. Coffee is for closers only. If you get a sit, you can have some decaf. Water is for salesmen working overtime. Any part-time employees must hold their breath until their shift is done; this oxygen is not for you! Any questions? This is all delineated in the handout, too.”
-“What’s my name? My cuff links cost more than your kidneys, that’s my name. You drove here in a Mercury Topaze; I took a solid gold helicopter to get here tonight, which I took underwater. That’s my name! Scooby Merced, that’s my porn star name!”
-“We’re adding a little something to this month’s sales contest. As you all know, first prize is a Cadillac El Dorado. Anybody wanna see second prize? Second prize is a set of steak knives. Third prize is you’re fired. Fourth prize is a TV/VCR combo. Fifth prize is we set your house on fire. Sixth prize is a year’s subscription to Rolling Stone. There is no seventh prize. Eighth prize is we poison your dog. This is also delineated in the handout.”
-“You know what it takes to sell real estate? (Blake produces a pair of brass balls.) It takes brass balls to sell real estate. (He then produces googly eye glasses.) It also takes googly eyes. And a carrot nose. Sorry, I ate the carrot on the way here.”
-“ABC, Always Be Closing, Always Be Closing. Also, AIDA, Attention, Interest, Decision, Action. Remember that. Live by it. Also, LMNOP. Just keep repeating it to yourself, LMNOP, LMNOP. If you can figure out something for that to stand for, you win a set of steak knives.”