10. THE ANCHORWOMAN SUMS IT ALL UP

(Anchorwoman once again is seated at her desk.)

Good evening, I’m Sonya Pseudonym, but not really. Now the 6:17 News Special Report. Have you noticed a calmness, a quiet, a lack of utter fear and sheer terror in your neighborhood? That’s right, those pesky pterodactyls, the sweet potatoes of the sky, have vanished mysteriously. It ended as it began, full of intrigue, uncertainty and doughnuts. The intrigue? What has happened to the pterodactyls? The uncertainty? Will they be returning anytime soon? The doughnuts? My breakfast.

The mood in our fair city is as if Paula Cole had actually asked the musical question, “Where have all the pterodactyls gone?” Dr. Freud could not be reached for comment, but one of his lab assistants, a Frank or Larry, did relay this information. If you are the residents of any neighboring city and you do come across the dinosaurs, do not provoke them, use soft, soothing tones. No name-calling. And hide any and all jam from sight. He then thanked me for the call, and promised to call later. Sources close to my heart report he has yet to do so, and cause me to question the validity of anything he says.

But such is the nature of this enigmatic experiment. Nothing is as it seems. What you think is a genuine turtleneck sweater turns out to be a mock turtleneck sweater. What you believe to be butter is in fact Butter It’s Not. That smell you notice certainly seems to be Giorgio, but then it’s revealed to be Primo. It’s much like an elaborate game of Guess Who, except the game cards do actually talk. What they say doesn’t clarify so much as not clarify, however, and we are left back at square one.

I know what’s on everyone’s mind, and that is what is it that I personally think the future holds for us. I think science will forge onward and upward, cloning and reanimating and leaving us all behind, without so much as a text message. But what will be next, you ask? Brontosaurs? Triceratopses? Canadian reggae sensation Snow? Your guess is only slightly less good as mine. But, I am certain we will not be hearing from the science world again for a very, very, very, very long time. And when we do, one hopes it will be a heartfelt apology. I’m Sonya Pseudonym, thanks for checking me out.

-fin-