MATCH WITS WITH THE CSI-ERS!

“But I’m innocent, I swear it!” the burly man sobbed as he was drug away by the boys in blue.

“You’ll have plenty of time for swearing- in jail!” Gil exclaimed.

HOW DID GIL KNOW THE BURLY MAN WAS GUILTY?

A microfiber found in the baseboard of the crime scene was put through multiple tests and dusted for prints. The fiber was found to be of a very specific hypoallergenic material, and based on the fall ratio, determined to be from the left hand. After a thorough forensic examination of the suspect’s glove collection, a match was found for the left hand, and blood samples of the burly man found he was positive for the allergy in that selfsame hand. Case closed!

---------------------------------

“I don’t know how you could have ID’d me in the brutal glare of the Miami sun, but I did run over that man,” the blonde female lady admitted.

“I wear… sunglasses,” Horatio rasped, removing the sunglasses for the dramatic effect.

HOW WAS HORATIO REALLY ABLE TO ID THE BLOND FEMALE LADY?

The tread marks left by the murderer’s vehicle were photographed by a state-of-the-art camera, using a high-powered lens, and deconstructed painstakingly for any unusual patterns. It was discerned that not only was it a Chevy Nova, but that certain treads were less distinct, and trace elements of a very specific mineral were found both in the treads and at the scene of the crime, as well as in the clothing and skin of the runned-over guy. This very, very specific mineral was found only in certain parts of Miami, and happened to be in the driveway of the blond female lady, as well as the treads of her Chevy Nova. Nice work, detective!

---------------------------

“I confess, I did it!” the gothic teenager cried.

“I knew it,” Mac muttered under his breath.

HOW DID MAC KNOW THAT THE GOTHIC TEENAGER HAD DONE IT?

He had just confessed but a second earlier. It was almost too easy!

SUPER-MODEL OR PEE-WEE'S PLAYHOUSE CHARACTER?

1. Twiggy
2. Chairry
3. Globey
4. Yvonne
5. Giselle
6. Clocky
7. Renee
8. Naomi
9. Heidi
10. Floory
11. Sissi
12. Jaydy

ANSWERS: Supermodels- 1,5,8,9,11,12
Pee-Wee- 2,3,4,6,7,10

G.I. JOE-ROSCOPE

ARIES: You are cautiously optimistic, drop the caution. You will be rescued shortly by Falcon and Lady Jaye, who will then successfully dismantle the Pyramid of Darkness.
TAURUS: Take advantage of some well-deserved time off. The Bed and Breakfast you’ll stay at is a Cobra front, and they will be easily dominated.
GEMINI: Everything isn’t always as it seems, Gemini. That new recruit, for example, is Destro in disguise. The metal head should have been a giveaway.
CANCER: Don’t rush around too much today; take a trip off the beaten path. Two kids are about to get peer-pressured into taking drugs, and you’d better pop over to help! Don’t stop to take off your uniform, either.
LEO: I’m not going to beat around the bush. That rocking horse you received for charity, filled with shrunken Cobra operatives. They’re most likely rewiring the base as we speak. But they’re still shrunken, so a couple of boot-stomps should take care of them.
VIRGO: Yes, Virgo, the kids all worship Snake Eyes and care very little for you. But what do you want? He’s a bad-ass ninja.
LIBRA: Stop flinching when Cobra shoots at you. They always miss, and this is a fact. Accept it.
SCORPIO: Okay, this is a little freaky. Cobra is creating a new bad guy out of the DNA of history’s baddest baddies. What I would do is send Livewire, Wild Bill and Chuckles out for reconnaissance (we both know they’re expendable) and take Cobra Commander and Dr. Mindbender by surprise when their guard is down. Sneak up behind Zartan and the Dreadnoks and steal their W.A.S.P. Fighters, then attack their base from the rear. Lucky numbers: 8 17 54 3 29.
SAGITTARIUS: Those phone calls from Sergeant Slaughter and William “The Fridge” Perry? I’d return them.
CAPRICORN: The moon landing DID happen. Stop being paranoid, Shipwreck.
AQUARIUS: Be careful of those new robot operatives, they have chips inside that are set to turn against you in the heat of battle. Best to melt them down for tank parts.
PISCES: You’ll receive mysterious messages from someone claiming to be, “The Viper.” He is not, repeat- not, a Cobra soldier, he is an Eastern European stereotype who is actually a Wiper, coming to wash the windows. Now you know. And knowing is half the battle.

PRO-CHOICE OF YOUR OWN ADVENTURES PRESENTS: THE SCOOP!

You are ace reporter Flap Satchel. With over a bunch of Pulitzer Trophies to your name, you’ve seen and heard and smelt and dealt all of it. All every bit of it. You’re the most sought after reporter for dignitaries, celebrities, kittens, aspiring reporters and grandparents. To stay prepared, you never leave anywheres minus your press badge, microscopic cassette recording machine, community-college ruled notebook and more pens than the Commish combined. You are a veritable one man. As you amble down Ackbar Avenue in your Pontiac Chevrolet, a telephone rings distractedly in an empty telephone booth. You pull over, swiftly parking your prized Pontiac in a parallel fashion. Up is how you pick the phone’s receiver, yet up is also how the other line has hung.

1. DO YOU DIAL *69 TO RETRACE THE CALL?
2. DO YOU WAIT TO SEE IF THE MYSTERY CALLER RINGS BACK?
3. DO YOU TAKE YOUR LEAVE OF THE PHONE AND PHONE BOOTH AND CONTINUE ON YOUR MERRY?

1. As you dial the star, followed by the 6, you pause briefly before dialing the nine, suddenly realizing that 69 is also an oral sexuality position. Feeling a little dirty and smidge aroused, you stroll toward the nearest alleyway in which to rub one out whilst imagining the act.

2. Within 5 minutes and a sackful of seconds the phone rings once more. You pick it up, but to your dismay, there is just a periodic beeping coming from the other line. After transcribing this for 6 minutes, you hang up. Scoop!

3. The car was towed! The car was towed! You head back to the phone booth to call the impound lot, but it has mysteriously vanished. In its place is a tall woman in a red dress, a cigar between her lips and a tattoo of the phone booth on her forearm. She winks at you, then turns to leave, and then you wake up at your desk, where you’ve been sleeping for the last 7 hours. Scoop!

FUN AND/OR GAMES!

WORD FIND
See what words you can find in this jumble of letters. It's fun!

WQETLOVTYULPMMMKVCSWQ
PNBRFDLKRAOPJHKDTIO#Q4I
ZX&EOIQWDCVBMGFTREW$YN
W/VWQSANHETYGFDSWIOUP>
YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY
ZMZM777OIUSAVLKOIPJULIFP
(PARENTHESES)9876543210@

WORD JUMBLE
Unjumble the letters and find the words. It's fun, in a completely different way than the word find! Seriously!

ATME
_____
ETNKIT
_____
LUDICROUSABSO
______________
JOE
___
ATE
___
MAC
___
&
_
CHEESE
_______

SUDOKU
Yeah, I don't know how this works, but it involves numbers, so have lots of fun with that.

6789045
2222222222222222222222222
1
4567891011121314151617181820
Give up yet?
333456987212121

MAD ABOUT LIBS!

The latest craze at pajama parties, hootenannies, hoe-downs, hoe-ups, wedding receptions and Supreme Court recesses is and always will be the Mad Lib. It takes all the fun of an ad lib, eliminates some of the guesswork, adds a pencil (or pen, for the daring), and causes you to go literally insane with its figurative fun! But what about the poor, who can’t afford the fancy books of ready-made Libs? It’s simple, you silly impoverished fun-seeker. Just make your own! Or, if you aren’t at all creative, use this one, guaranteed to cause smiles to break out all over your face!
DEUS EX HELICOPTER!
“Did you (noun) where I put my (verb)?” asked Jenny (part of the body). She was smoking an (adverb) and whistling the Top 40 hit, “(verb) (noun) in the (color) (animal).”
“No, and I don’t care, you (adjective) (improper noun),” Harold responded (color). “I think we need to (verb).” The sky was an eerie shade of (name of someone in the room), and Jenny had the distinct feeling Harold was going to (animal).
“Can I go (number) real quick, then we can (adjective) over a pitcher of (name of physicist) (brand of sweater).”
Harold (body part) his (car manufacturer). “If you think (verb) (adjective) (adverb) (noun) (proper noun), (color) (verb) (part of the body) (Kim Cattrall movie) (animal) in the (preposition).”
“Don’t end sentences in prepositions,” (the word quantity) stated. “It’s (adverb). So, so (adverb).”
“Well, you would know, you (smell) (smell) (smell) (smell) (smell) (smell) (name of person in the room).” Harold had his (pronoun) around her (flower). All of a sudden, a helicopter landed on their roof, and Jenny (smell) (smell) (smell) (smell) (smell).

THE END!