Monday, March 23, 2009

COLLECTED WISDOM FOR THE AGES: A SMATTERING OF ADVICE FOR GRADUATES

-“Live to dream! Dream to live! To dreamlive!”
-“Be proactive, a leader. Be a self-starter, like a haunted car.”
-“Your future is now! Your past is future! Your present is past! Where in time is Carmen Sandiego?”
-“Remember: while there may be a lower-case I in teaim, there is no I in famly.”
-“Whenever I need encouragement, I always think of the immoral words of Helen Keller, the rousing speech she gave after winning the 1952 Olympic Games, ‘I have a dream that one day there will be no Nazis. And my favorite flower is the dandelion.’ It’s sad to think she was later burned at the stake, accused of being a pinball wizard.”
-“The world will keep spinning without you, unless you’re the moon. Stop and smell the roses, give yourself a time-out, make time to bleed, sleep all day on the sofa and eat Nilla Wafers for dinner. These are the 4 Steps to Successfulltude.”
-“Beware of offers too good to be true. Don’t buy any magic beans, never French on a first date, don’t fall for any pyramid schemes, or the enigmatic Sphinx Scheme. Don’t go canoeing. It’s not as fun as everyone says it is.”
-“Never forget anything ever. Ever! What did I just say?”
-“Above all, keep your cool and have unsatisfiable expectations. Because tomorrow is always better than it should be.”

1 comment:

Mikeosaurus said...

I would just like to say that you were my sworn enemy when I first found your blog. After reading it, you have been downgraded to a worthy peer. I wanted to make a blog with the same title as yours, but was surprised to find that one already exists. However, I was comforted to find that the owner (you) had used the blog for the purpose for which it was intended: hilaritarianism (the belief system by which for every x, Hx, where H is the property of being hilarious).

Thank you for promoting one of the two things for which the internet was created: fake historical facts. The other thing is obviously pornographic alchemy, in which naked women are turned into gold. Again, many thanks.