Wednesday, April 22, 2009

SUPER-QUICK MOVIE DIALOGUE II: WORLD’S WORST RACIST

ABE: It’s like this, black people be all, “I fell in to that burning ring of fire, yo!”
BEA: Okay.
ABE: And white people be all, “Ssh! Can’t talk. I’m a total mime.”
BEA: Got it.
ABE: And orange people be all like, “I love the whole tanning scene, but I fear the sun and its blinding cancer rays.”
BEA: Still with you.
ABE: And blue people be all, “Smurf smurf smurf smurf smurf smurf smurf.”
BEA: Still following.
ABE: And furry people be all, “Grr, I’m the animal kingdom! Growl, slobber, pet sounds!”
BEA: I will accept that as fact.
ABE: And lady people be all, “My hair! The shoes! Dresses, dresses, purses and ponies!”
BEA: Wait a minute.
ABE: And man people be all, “Sports and math! Cars, cars, racetracks and urinals!”
BEA: You can’t say that!
ABE: Why not, mysterious stranger?
BEA: It’s racist and probably inaccurate.
ABE: What? What? What? What?
BEA: I’m deeply offended by your racial stereotypes of the two only genders.
ABE: Listen, sweet peeps, that’s not racism. That’s sexism. You are truly the world’s worst racist. Take it from me. I should know.
BEA: I’m so embarrassed. Is my face red?!
ABE: No. If it were red, you’d be all, “Commie? Native American Indian? Your guess is better than mine.”

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