LIST WEEK 3: DIRTY, DIRTY, DIRTY LIST! BUT NOT.

PHRASES THAT SOUND LIKE BUT ARE MOST ASSUREDLY NOT EUPHEMISMS

1. Priming the Pump
2. Smelting the Iron
3. Spouting Spoonerisms
4. Bumping the Lock
5. Floraing the Fauna
6. Oregoning the Trail
7. Jumping the Shark
8. Ruining Christmas
9. Caulking the Shower
10. Having Sexual Relations.

LIST WEEK 2: ANOTHER COMIC LIST!

REJECTED BATMAN SOUND EFFECTS

1. Splatch!
2. Nuh!
3. Zabka!
4. Corn!
5. Sprunk!
6. Wilt!
7. Smaimle!
8. Ignore!
9. Bluice!
10. Discriminate!

LIST WEEK 1: A BIBLE LIST!

HOW I WOULD HAVE IMPROVED MY COMIC BOOK BIBLE

1. Removed the excess vines and branches from the Adam & Eve section
2. Made the animals in Noah’s Ark talk and sing and have cheery emblems on their stomachs.
3. Drawn God to look like Burl Ives or Santa Claus or Baby Gramps.
4. Add play-by-play to David and Goliath.
5. Let Moses have a ginormous machine gun.
6. An R. Crumb-style depiction of all the begetting at the beginning of the New Testament.
7. Add a third woman to make Mary and Joseph a love triangle, and have Joseph constantly eating hamburgers.
8. Have Jesus say, “Up, up and away!” when he is ascended into Heaven.
9. Incorporate the X-Men in the Book of Revelations.
10. Have ads for candy and mail-away novelty items interspersed throughout.