FISTFIGHT CIRCUS!

Come one, come everyone, to the first and only circus of its kind, Bix’s Fistfight Circus! Tired of the same old big top, with boring acrobats, depressing clowns and lion tamers with unflattering asses? You’ll find none of these at my circus. What you’ll find is more exciting- fistfights!
Have you ever seen a grizzly bear bitch-slapped by a gorilla? Step right up! Ever seen two clowns knocked unconscious simultaneously? Step right up! Ever seen a trapeze artist take one in the breadbasket mid-flight? Brother, you best step right up, because I’ve got the treat of the century.
You were probably under the false impression that circus performers were jolly, positive, non-violent types. Well, we’ve tapped into one aspect of circus performers no one has tapped into before: resentment. You don’t think the Human Cannonball has a beef with That Guy Who Walks Around On Stilts? Think again. How about the Magician and the Sword Swallower? Lots of bad blood there. And don’t get me started on the elephants. You practically have to hold them back whenever anybody affiliated with the circus passes by. Well, elephant hold back no more! Those big old sacks of potatoes are free to knock the block clear off whoever they want. Firebreather, Contortionist, the elephant trainers, you name it.
And just like the classic circus of yore-times, we haven’t left out the Freak Show. And yes, they’re raring to throw some punches as well. We’ve got that hermaphroditic he/she guy who fights amongst him/herself, we’ve got a Dog-Faced Boy who not only punches, he bites! There’s the Haiku Triplets, ages 5, 7 and 5; they’re young but scrappy and not unlike their arch-nemesis the Dog-Faced Boy they’re not afraid to bite. We have Siamese Twins too, though fair warning, they aren’t actually conjoined, just twins who happen to be from Siam. And like most freak shows we’ve got a lady with a beard- on her face! Like, right directly smack on her face. And she’s the meanest of all, which probably stems from the beard she has. And she’s a lady! But really, it’s a crazy mishmash melee of beatings like Road House meets the circus. Which is the best circus of all time, I guarantee you that for free.
Look, I’m not gonna lie to you. It’s not exactly family friendly. But come on, ten years from now, is your kid really gonna remember your average run-of-the-mill circus, or are they gonna remember the all-out-orgy-of-violence that is Fistfight Circus? Which takes all the whimsy of your old-fashioned circus memories and beat them like a red-headed step-child? Fistfight Circus is the Official Circus of Bruised Ginger Step-Kids. That’s a promise from me straight out to you, or my name ain’t Bix, like the bandleader, or the pen with an X.
So, come on down. The natives are restless, as they say, and I can’t keep them from each other’s throatses much longer. Also, be advised for your own safety, you shouldn’t attend Fistfight Circus unless you can defend yourself and your loved ones, and that Bix’s Fistfight Circus is not liable for any injuries caused by Bix’s Fistfight Circus, such as whiplash, tooth loss, bloody nose, loss of breath, loss of limb, children apparel or memory, and cirrhosis. But theses instances are relatively rareish. So please, come on down. We’re located at my house, 15 Spring Street, in the backyard, probably spilling into the neighbors’ yards. It’s gonna be classic!