CUBICLE, PART V. TEAMWORK

(Amos exits as Kendra enters. She is holding a glass of wine, which she smells, swirls and takes a drink.)


KENDRA
Mmm, earthy! You know, your co-workers are like a really good bottle of wine. They get better with age, are full of anti-oxidants, and can often be found in the liquor aisle of your local grocery store. Much like wine, your co-workers should be appreciated and cared for, until they peak and lose their flavor. As any wino will tell you, wine is best appreciated in bulk. That's why teamwork is so important in the workplace. It just might get you drunk. But what if we’re not all team players? Let’s turn to our Stock Players for elucidation.

(Kendra chugs the remaining wine, lights down on her and up on the Stock Players, stage-right.)

MARY
Okay guys, the Henderson Account is due this afternoon, we need to get it finished ASAP, BSAP, CSAP!

GARY
Okay, I’ll crunch the numbers.

MARY
Great!

GARY
And I’ll edit, proofread and objectify the report.

MARY
Terrific!

GARY
And I’ll create the excel spreadsheet and consolidate all the info.

MARY
What can I do?

BUTCH
You, you can…. Keep that chair warm.

MARY
Huh?

GARY
And pseudo-supervise.

MARY
Buh?


GARY
And stay outta the way!

MARY
But I want to help. I’m a member of this team, too. You never let me work with you.

GARY
It isn’t that I don’t like you. You’re very friendly, and compassionate, and your breasts are outstanding.

MARY
You’re right; I am a very good friend. And my tits are to die for. Literally!

GARY
It’s just that… you’re a terrible worker.

MARY
Whatever do you mean?

GARY
You botched the Blunderman project, and you blundered the Botchman project.

MARY
Oh, yeah.

GARY
You goofed up the time-sensitive Gallifrey job. And you totally blew off the Fellatio file.

MARY
Gee.

GARY
So you see you are a part of our team. The nonproductive, underachieving, expendable part.

MARY
I get it!

GARY
Every team needs one, and we have you. And you’re just as important to the process as I am.

MARY
Do you really mean it?

GARY
Sort of.

MARY
Wow, you’ve really opened my eyes. Now, let me close them again.

(The Stock Players laugh raucously as the lights dim on them and up on Kendra.)

KENDRA
As our Stock Players have illustrated, it’s important to know your role in the team dynamic and adhere to it strictly. Think of your team as a big unit, like Randy Johnson. Your team members are like your siblings, or at the very least, your step-siblings. For while we may never know whether there is an I in team, we can state for certain that there is no I in family.