THE FACTS, AS PRESENTED BY MYSELF

What happened next was this: Gillian, wielding the cake knife as if it were a sword, advanced on the stranger slowly but determinedly. She (the stranger) didn't know what to do, so she raised her hands as if she was the one being mugged. Granted, she (the stranger) hadn't formally mugged us (ie presented a weapon, insisted upon our money and/or valuables, et al) but being a stranger and being in our living room and being in the sorry state of dress and smell, she (Gillian) reacted understandably as though our lives were in peril. Mine and Gillians, that is. After repeatedly stabbing (with the cake knife) the stranger, Gillian suddenly realized that said cake knife was as strange to her as the victim (the stranger.) It was at that exact moment we realized we had been preparing dinner (cake) in a stranger’s (the stranger) house, and apologized as profusely as said stranger was bleeding. It was all a horrific misunderstanding, and as we are both exceedingly wealthy, no charges were pressed, the corpse (stranger) was vanished with no trace of existence. Good cake, too.